Butterflies, Bracelets, and Rocks


Aimee Sterk headshotBy Aimee Sterk, LMSW, MATP Staff

I have PTSD and have been triggered a lot lately. I can sense it happening. Something reminds me of a traumatic event and I start reliving it in my head. I started seeing a new therapist for EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). I dreaded having to start over—and having to share with her what has happened to me. Talking about past traumas re-traumatizes people and exacerbates PTSD. Luckily, my new therapist knew this and didn’t want to dig in—just wanted some generalizations, but as we were getting started, she could tell that I was going back to the past traumas—and she had some great new techniques that helped me stay present and calm down enough so that I could interact with her. I’m now adding the Butterfly Technique and a large egg-shaped rock to my Calming Techniques and Items Toolbox in addition to the bracelet and weighted blanket that were already in there.

The Butterfly Technique involves crossing your arms over your chest and linking your thumbs at your sternum. Your fingers are pointed up toward your collarbones, not out toward your arms, your finger tips rest just below or on your collarbones, palms facing down against your chest. You then pat yourself in this position for 1-3 minutes. This bilateral stimulation provides a sense of calm. It helps ground you and keep you in the present moment. It was originally used in Mexico, helping survivors of a hurricane, and has been used with inmates, many of whom have a trauma history, and others with PTSD. I put an image of a butterfly on my phone to remind me that I can do this technique any time.

The other technique she taught me uses a super low-tech piece of AT (assistive technology), a 3-4 inch egg-shaped rock that fills the palm of your hand. She instructed me to take this rock (hers was polished marble) and pass it back and forth between my hands. I felt stupid at first, but then realized it was helping, and did continued passing it back and forth for my entire appointment. I asked her what the technique was called and if the size of the rock/weight were important. She said it was a type of Brain Gym technique that promotes bilateral brain stimulation. The size and weight are somewhat important—the rock needs to be big and heavy enough to register in your hands.  I found a large enough egg at a local store that carries crystals and meditation supplies. I find it helpful to use this technique to reconnect and calm—it

a hand holding a stone egg with a multicolored bracelet on the wrist

My polished stone egg and Metta loving-kindness bracelet

allows me to return to mindfulness, being in the present moment, and noticing my thoughts without judging them or diving into them. Mindfulness is universally beneficial and helps with chronic pain, depression, anxiety, and stress and promotes well-being. There is now a free online course for Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (other courses in person and online are $350-$450). I’m going to give it a try.

While I wrote about my weighted blanket before, I haven’t shared about my loving kindness bracelet. I originally learned about loving kindness meditation as a mindfulness practice—a way to become present, decrease stress, and increase positive emotions and well-being. There are dozens of studies on the benefits of a loving kindness practice. I had been practicing it irregularly, especially when I was experiencing insomnia, and then more regularly after attending a workshop by Kristin Neff, an expert in self compassion. The loving-kindness meditation is a way to tap into the calming practice of sending love to yourself and to others and the world. I had trouble remembering to stop and do the loving kindness meditation and make it a part of my daily routine until I added my loving kindness/metta bracelet I purchased from Jan Lundy, an author, speaker, and spiritual director. Jan co-designed a bracelet with four different kinds of stones to represent each of the phrases you repeat in a loving kindness meditation. I can sit and meditate and use the stones as keys to remember:

May I be safe

May I be happy

May I be strong

May I live with peace and ease

I work my way around the bracelet first a couple times for myself, then for others. Jan has full instructions on the loving kindness meditation her website. When I am anxious and overwhelmed, I need a visual cue to help me reset. Having a reminder on my wrist does just that, and then guides me in my practice.

Jan’s bracelet is beautiful, but if cost is a barrier, you could go to a craft store or raid your closets and jewelry boxes and pick out beads with meanings for you and string your own.

What AT, techniques, reminders, and resources do you tap into for mindfulness, stress, anxiety, depression, and self-soothing?


4 thoughts on “Butterflies, Bracelets, and Rocks

  1. Monet

    You must not have had a good EMDR therapist. Mine cured me of PTSD from a near fatal car accident. The traumatic memory was moved from the amydala to the hippocampus of my brain where it could be processed and released. I am now at peace naturally.

    1. Aimee Sterk Post author

      Hi Monet:
      I actually think I have very talented therapists. I have only been seeing this EMDR therapist for two weeks and I am quite sure she is going to be able to help me–and already has actually. I have had multiple, linked traumas that I hadn’t dealt with over decades so I think the process is complicated, but I’ve already seen results from a previous EMDR therapist that worked on a childhood trauma with me. I think we all have different experiences and different processes–and EMDR is hard work, and it is working for me too. I’m told that while very difficult, EMDR has the highest success rate for trauma treatment of any form of therapy.

  2. Mary MacGowan

    Hi Aimee!
    Love this article and I appreciate learning about the egg/rock and the hug. Wish I’d known those techniques when my PTSD was at it’s most challenging a number of years ago.

    I’m a good friend of Jan Lundy’s and have benefitted from many of her workshops as well! I have a CD of Lovingkindness Songs that I’d like to send to you. (My approach is to send my CD out in the world and then see what happens!) If you are willing, you can send me a mailing address.

    it’s all love

    1. Aimee Sterk Post author

      Thanks Mary!
      So glad you loved the blog and I will send you a message with my address. I would a copy of your CD–loving kindness has been so very helpful to me.


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